


Of hair dye and family

by mentosmorii



Series: Bonds thicker than blood [1]
Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: Found Family, Gen, technically? in this house we live by the butler-fowl joint family headcanon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 21:10:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18557929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mentosmorii/pseuds/mentosmorii
Summary: The Fowl name may have been a weight upon Artemis, but it was nothing more than a surname for his brothers. A short fic looking at hair dye, families beyond blood, and learning to let go.





	Of hair dye and family

Artemis shuffled through a stack of papers, frowning. Holly had sent him the latest set of cases being processed by Section 8, and he was finding that the paperwork that accompanied each one almost outpaced that of the LEP. It made sense, he supposed, considering that S8 had to work around both the LEP and the council, but it didn’t make the aforementioned red tape any less irksome. 

 

He held up a paper, looking at the notes in the margin he’d added the previous night. Someone had broken a few goblins out from one of the county jails in Haven, and Holly was currently trying to talk to the missing fairies’ families to no avail. She’d brought Mulch with her to the first apartment complex she’d tried, and not only had his presence been remarkably poorly received (Mulch had ‘allegedly’ gotten into a ‘spat’ with the landlord about a decade back), but word had spread that Diggums was involved in the case with an ex-LEP elf. The investigation had come abruptly to a halt, and Vinaya was, in Holly’s words, royally pissed off. And so it goes, Artemis sighed, setting the paper back down on the cool mahogany of his desk. 

 

No sooner had he reached for another case file when his door swung open loudly, and he jumped. Artemis moved to quickly flip papers over and shove files back onto the shelf. Artemis shot a look over his shoulder, opening his mouth to snap at the intruder, but he paused when he saw who it was. 

 

“Someone’s wound up, I see,” Juliet observed, leaning against the doorway. She had the grace to only sound  _ a bit _ smug about startling him, Artemis noted dourly.  

 

Artemis felt the tension fade from his shoulders, and he huffed, leaning away from the mess of papers. “Juliet,” he began, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “An unlocked door is not an invitation waiting to be accepted.” 

 

She snorted, pushing off from the door to walk over to his desk. “If I had to put up with you calling yourself a,” she held up air quotes, “‘Teenage criminal mastermind’ for a good portion of our lives, then you can handle getting snuck up on now and then.”

 

“I actually prefer ‘erudite young adult young adult nowadays,” he quipped, grinning toothily. 

 

“You’re  _ so _ pretentious.” 

 

“What a wonderful guest you are, Juliet,” he said, quirking an eyebrow up slightly. “Antics aside, I do take it that you came in here for a reason  _ other _ than harassing me.” 

 

Juliet set her hands on her hips, looping her thumbs through the belt loops of her skinny jeans. In another life, she could have had a successful career as a model — she was certainly chic enough, but her contrarian nature would have no doubt made her the bane of some poor director’s existence. 

 

“Beckett wants to dye his hair,” she explained. “I figured I had better check with at least one member of the  _ esteemed _ Fowl clan before I start dip-dyeing his tips purple, you know? And you’re  _ technically _ an adult due to time travel and stuff,” she gestured to Artemis. “So all I need is the go ahead and I’ll be out of your very, very important business.” 

 

Juliet looked at him expectantly, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Artemis sighed. He moved to finish putting case files and papers away in his desk.

 

“Where did he get the idea of dyeing his hair?” he asked after a moment. 

 

“TV, friends, who knows?” Juliet shrugged. “He’s been asking me to help him with for almost a week now.”

 

“Which is  _ such _ a long time, of course,” Artemis rolled his eyes.

 

“For a four-year-old? Yeah, actually, it is a long time,” Juliet pointed out. 

Artemis faltered at that. “Oh. Does Myles want his hair dyed too, then?”

 

“I didn’t say I’d let Beckett dye  _ all _ of his hair — I am a somewhat responsible adult, okay? And no, Myles doesn’t want to dye his.”

 

“I would’ve thought that both of them were involved in trying to convince you,” Artemis turned back to face Juliet, interested.

 

“I know. I asked, but Myles didn’t seem to want in.”

 

Artemis worried his bottom lip, shooting a performative glance back at his files. 

 

“I don’t think… dyeing a strand or two would hurt. I don’t think something along those lines would be too much,” he conceded, and Juliet brightened. 

 

“See — that wasn’t too hard, was it? I’m not going to make him look like a clown.”

 

Artemis tried not to envision explaining to his father why they’d had to shave Beckett’s head after something went horribly awry. He pushed the thought away, nodding at Juliet.

 

“Of course.”

 

Juliet moved to leave, and Artemis hesitated. 

 

“Are you going to tell him that I said it was alright?” he tried tentatively.

 

Juliet made a face. “What? No, I’m dying his hair.”

 

His eyes widened, and he balked. “ _ Now _ ?”

 

“I told you he’s been asking for about a week,” she stared at him as though it were obvious. “I picked something when I went to pharmacy a few days ago. It’s not  _ really _ hair dye, as I didn’t want to use anything too chemical-y on him. It’s designed to stain hair more than dye it — it’s so mild that his hair is almost too dark for it to show up.”

 

“That’s smart,” he said lightly, and Juliet rolled her eyes. 

 

“Even if it looks awful, it’ll wash out. Relax.”

 

“I’m not worried about that!” he held up his hands placatingly. 

 

“But you  _ are _ worried?” Juliet raised an eyebrow.

 

Artemis leaned back in his chair, defeated. “No, I’m not worried. I know you won’t let him do anything… too wild. It’s just hard to wrap my head around in the context of how we were raised, I suppose.”

 

At that, Juliet relented, giving him a small smile. “It is a  _ little _ weird watching them goof around.”

 

“But,” Artemis inhaled. “It’s a good thing that they’re fooling around. Neither Myles nor Beckett should be forced to consider living up to a family name yet. They’re children.”

 

“Wow, I think I just got to witness you gain a single emotional intelligence point. Congrats,” Juliet teased, her tone good-natured.

 

Artemis pushed the final file to the corner of his desk. Finally, he stood up, moving past Juliet. She raised an eyebrow, and he merely clapped her on the shoulder.

 

“I thought you said that Beckett wanted to dye his hair?” he asked, and she grinned.

 

“You want to help?”

 

More confidently than he felt, he nodded. “I’d reckon two heads are better than one.”

 

__________________________________

 

It turned out that for all their talents, neither Artemis nor Juliet had a future in cosmetology. 

 

Juliet and Artemis stared at the back of Beckett’s sopping wet head. Neither of them moved.

 

Artemis coughed. He picked up the package they’d already opened to look at the tiny print of the directions. 

 

“We’ve finished the first step, at least,” he muttered, bringing the box closer. “Juliet, I think I might need to grab my cheaters,” he pursed his lips.

 

She spluttered. 

 

“You’re only sixtee—  _ eighteen _ ,” she caught herself, looking at the twins. “Artemis — are you seriously telling me you’ve ruined your vision so badly that you need reading glasses?”

 

He looked wounded, lowering the box. “My work requires that I stare at a screen for the majority of the day. Blue light can lead to—“

 

“Okay,  _ okay _ , whatever,” she waved him off, fixing her gaze on Beckett’s hair again. “Can you grab another pair of gloves while you’re at it? The box only has one.”

 

Artemis prickled at being ordered to do something, but he complied. When he’d returned, Juliet had set a few more paper towels on Beckett’s shoulders to prevent the water from dripping down his curls and onto his t-shirt. Myles was watching the spectacle in silent fascination. 

 

Sitting back down, Artemis pushed his reading glasses up the bridge of his nose. He studied the writing on the back of the hair dye package for a moment, furrowing his brow. He turned to Juliet, nodding approvingly when he noticed that she was already wearing her gloves. 

 

“Alright, then —I think the best method for this would be to pour this onto our gloves and work it into the area of the hair we’re dying,” he set his glasses on the top of his head. He shot Myles a glance. “Are you  _ sure _ you don’t want us to do your hair, too?”

 

Myles squirmed in his seat, looking at Juliet. “I’m sure. It’s too childish, thank you very much.”

 

Juliet shrugged, already applying some of the dye to her gloved hands. “Just as well. Your hair is too dark for this type of dye to show up. Staining is fine in my book, but you’re a bit too young to be bleaching your hair.”

 

Myles looked a bit sullen at that. Artemis looked up from trying to apply what was left in the dye bottle to his gloves. 

 

“You  _ are _ a child, Myles,” he reminded him, and Myles opened his mouth to object. “I don’t mean that as an insult! What I’m  _ trying  _ to say is — oh, now I’ve gotten this on my pants,” he hissed, looking down at the drops of purple staining his slacks.

 

Beckett straightened, his curls bouncing slightly. Artemis winced, looking at the dye-ladened water form precariously hanging drops on the strands of his brother’s hair. 

 

“Does it look cool yet?” Beckett asked curiously.

 

“It looks great, Becks— but you have to stop moving,” Juliet tried, leaning as far back as she could. Artemis looked at the stains on his pants and sighed. He moved closer, trying to finish the job. He’d given up on trying to preserve them at this point —the pants had already joined the ranks of various other pairs that he’d regulated to being exclusively for his more messy experiments.  

 

Myles moved closer to watch Artemis and Juliet work. 

 

Artemis gave Beckett’s hair one last glance, finally stripping off his gloves. “What I was saying, Myles,” he continued. “Is that you get to be  _ you _ . You shouldn’t be in a rush to grow up — I’d personally recommend profiting from the glamour of being a child prodigy as long as you’re able to.”

 

Myles wasn’t satisfied, jutting out his chin. “ _ Mum _ said you were like an adult even when you were my age.”

 

Artemis and Juliet shot each other a look. Juliet, thankfully, spoke first.

 

“Sometimes you have to try something a few times to get it right. Just like how it took you some time to learn how to ride a bike, yeah? Even adults have to try a bit before they learn how to do something. Parenting can be a bit like that,” she explained, leaning around Beckett so she could look at Myles. 

 

“Was it like that with your parents?” Beckett tried to crane around to look at Juliet.

 

Artemis blanched, but she took it in stride. 

 

“Yeah, kinda,” she said thoughtfully. “I don’t remember much of my Dad, but he was still figuring stuff out with me, even if I was his second kid.”

 

“Oh,” Beckett looked at her, unsure. “Sorry.”

 

She grinned back at him, trying to lift his mood. 

 

“But then I had my big brother, and he was a quick learner,” she poked Beckett’s cheek with a slightly purple finger, and he laughed, trying to rub the smudge mark she left away.

 

“Stop it!” he moved to jokingly push her away, but she scooped him up, plopping him in her lap. He shook his head in protest, and she squawked, leaning away. 

 

“Beckett, you’re getting dye literally everywhere — oh my God,” she groaned, and he looked up at her, his wide eyes giving him the appearance of a remorseful golden retriever after it had shaken pond water all over the interior of the family Mini Cooper.

 

“I want to dye my hair, too, then,” Myles blurted out, and Juliet looked up. 

 

She frowned. “Myles, I’m sorry, but your hair is a bit too dark for this type of dye, and I’m not sure we should be bleaching your hair.”

 

Myles seemed to deflate a bit. “I see,” he said carefully.

 

Artemis stood up. “Juliet, you still have your costume kit in the hall closet, yes?”

 

Juliet nodded, and Artemis went to rummage through the old bins kept in the closet.

 

He returned a moment later, setting a decal-covered plastic suitcase on the ground. He flipped the latches up, revealing a mess of fabric and face paints inside. Moving it so that Myles could see inside, he glanced at his younger brother.

 

“We can’t dye your hair,” he started, and Myles tried not to show his disappointment. “But we can find you something else.”

 

Artemis gestured for Myles to go through the suitcase, and Myles looked at him for a moment. Artemis nodded, and Myles began sifting through the suitcase. He pulled out a set of nail polishes, studying them for a moment. 

 

“Can you paint my nails with this?” he held a deep purple vial out, and Artemis felt himself relax. Painting nails was much easier than cutting hair, and it was less messy than Juliet’s old body glitter. 

 

“Of course,” he nodded, and Myles brightened. Artemis twisted the cap off the polish and moved to start applying it. 

 

He paused. “Just this color, or do you want to pick one more color for me to use to do a small design on top of the purple?”

 

Juliet snorted. “You’re getting a little ahead of yourself, hotshot.”

 

Artemis threw her a withering glance. “I’m positive I helped you with something like this when we were younger,” he grumbled.

 

“Oh, you helped me. It looked  _ so _ bad,” she said in a stage whisper to Beckett, and Myles looked at Artemis, worried. 

 

“She’s just teasing — it looked fine, Myles,” Artemis assured him. 

 

Myles didn’t seem completely convinced. 

 

_________________________________________

 

Ten minutes later, Artemis leaned back to study his handy work. He looked at Myles, who was admiring the purple.

 

Myles glanced up at Artemis. 

 

“I like it,” he commented, and Artemis breathed a sigh of relief. 

 

“That’s wonderful,” he replied, moving to put the polish away. 

 

“Let me see,” Beckett wriggled free from his position perched in the center of Juliet’s crossed legs. Juliet leaned backward dramatically, lying flat on her back on the floor. Beckett huffed, ignoring her. 

 

Myles stuck out a hand, and Beckett nodded approvingly. “It looks cool. We match!”

 

Beckett tilted his head slightly so that Myles could see what of the dye was still in his hair (as opposed to all over Juliet and Artemis). Myles smiled, and Beckett grinned back. 

 

Artemis watched them, and he couldn’t help but feel proud. He looked over to Juliet, and she winked. 

 

“I think we did okay,” she said, keeping the volume of her voice low. Artemis shot another glance at the boys, and he softened. 

 

“I think so as well,” he concluded.

 

“I want to show Mum,” Beckett announced, and Artemis and Juliet both tensed. 

 

“ _ I _ think we should show her tonight at dinner,” Juliet declared, and Beckett shrugged. 

 

“You honestly think you’ll be able to successfully shove him into the shower before dinner?” Artemis said under his breath, and Juliet scoffed. 

 

“Oh, absolutely. Four-year-olds and cats are basically the same things — first of all, the bath is the way to go, and secondly, you just have to toss him in and hope the grime gets washed off before he escapes to get bubbles all over the living room,” Juliet explained, voice low.

 

Artemis thought for a moment. “That doesn’t seem like that would work.”

 

“It’s a precision sport,” she sat up, rolling her shoulders. 

 

“Ah. Not my forte, then.”

 

“Nah, I wouldn’t think so,” Juliet grinned, and Artemis chuckled.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
